elinka: (moskva)

Медведеву присужден "Оскар" за роль президента РФ

ЛОС-АНЖЕЛЕС. В качестве очередной победы российского исскуства, американская Академия Кино присудила Дмитрию Медеведеву премию "Оскара" в номинации "Лучшая мужская роль" за создание образа президента страны в течении последних трех лет.

В сообщении подчеркивается, что высокая степень жизненной достоверности, включая интонации, жесты, походку и мимику, часто вызывала у зрителей полную иллюзию присутствия настоящего президента Российской Федерации.

Отмечается, что искусство перевоплощения ставит Дмитрия Анатольевича "в один ряд с такими мастерами российского театра, как Василий Качалов, Фаина Раневская, Иннокентий Смоктуновский и Борис Грызлов".

Кроме того, премия за лучшую режиссуру присуждена также гражданину России, имя которого пока не называется, говорится в сообщении американской киноакадемии.
elinka: (matrioshka)

Строители олимпийских объектов к олимпиаде 2014 очень рассчитывают на конец света в 2012.
elinka: (fishnet)
Сейчас не принято говорить: "Идите в ж…!"

Сейчас говорят: "Всем оставаться на своих местах!"
elinka: (fish net)


"Hi. This is Sarah Palin. Is Senator Lieberman in?"

"No, governor. This is Yom Kippur."

"Well, hello, Yom. Can I leave a message?"
elinka: (kuryat)
В Снобе обсуждают что мы узнаем из сериалов, но что они знают в этом Снобе? Из сериалов мы узнаем что такое жизнь. Вот например: "Бабло всегда побеждает зло!"


В ютюбе тоже можно много нового узнать. Даже если видео не понравилось, то иногда анекдот новый встречается:
rated R )
увидено у [livejournal.com profile] m_kalashnikova
elinka: (matrioshka)
Референдум в Беларуси.
Вопрос: Не против ли вы того, чтобы Лукашенко снова был президентом?
1) Да, не против.
2) Нет, не против.
elinka: (fish net)







The Israelis are developing an airport security device that eliminates the privacy concerns that come with full-body scanners at the airports.

It's an armored booth you step into that will not X-ray you, but will detonate any explosive device you may have on your person. They see this as a win-win situation for everyone, with none of this crap about racial profiling. It also would eliminate the costs of a long and expensive trial. Justice would be swift. Case closed!

You're in the airport terminal and you hear a muffled explosion. Shortly thereafter an announcement comes over the PA system: "Attention standby passengers - we now have a seat available on flight number 6709. Shalom!"
elinka: (fish net)
Лежат на пляже в Майами двое "новых русских".
Один спрашивает другого: "Вован, а ты Россию вспоминаешь?"
" Да ты че, Петро, что я еврей что ли?!"
elinka: (nyc)
Нью-Йорк. Экскурсионный автобус с Одесскими туристами. Экскурсовод просит каждого посмотреть, все ли его соседи сели в автобус. Закрывается дверь, автобус уезжает. Километров через десять его догоняет полицейская машина, в дверь заходит женщина средних лет и с характерным акцентом восклицает:
- Дима, не с твоим счастьем...
elinka: (fish net)
Moishe had been single for a long time. One day, he excitedly tells his mother that he's met someone at last and he is going to get married. She is obviously overjoyed.

"Just for fun, Ma, I'm going to bring her over with a couple of her friends, and you try and guess which one I'm going to marry."

His mother agrees. The next day, Moishe brings 3 beautiful women into the house and sits them down on the couch. They all chat for a while.

Moishe turns to his mother and says, "Okay, Ma. Guess which one I'm going to marry?"

She immediately replies, "The red-head in the middle."

Moishe was stunned. "That's amazing, Ma! You're right! How did you know?"

"I don't like her."
elinka: (adar)
Секретарь заходит к папе римскому и говорит:
-Там один очень старый еврей просит его принять.
- Скажи пусть в другой раз зайдет.
- Может примете неудобно как то. Он уже 2000 лет приема добивается.
- А ну тогда пригласи.
Заходит старик у него в руках картина тайная вечеря. Спрашивает папу:
-Скажите это ваши ребята?
-Да.
-Таки кто будет счет закрывать?
elinka: (usflag)




Remember when Ronald Reagan was president?



We also had Bob Hope and Johnny Cash.
     


Now, we have Obama, no hope, and no cash.
elinka: (chanukkah)
George Bush, Queen Elizabeth, and Vladimir Putin all die and go to hell. While there, they spy a red phone and ask what the phone is for. The devil tells them it is for calling back to Earth. Putin asks to call Russia and talks for 5 minutes.

When he was finished the devil informs him that the cost is a million dollars, so Putin writes him a check.

Next Queen Elizabeth call England and talks for 30 minutes.

When she was finished the devil informs her that cost is 6 million dollars, so Queen Elizabeth writes him a check.

Finally George Bush gets his turn and talks for 4 hours.

When he was finished the devil informed him that there would be no charge for the call and feel free to call the USA anytime.

When Putin hears this he goes ballistic and asks the devil why Bush got to call the USA free.

The devil replied, "Since Obama became president of the USA, the country has gone to hell, so it's a local call."
elinka: (polya)
Polya is getting ready for her stand-up comedy show for senior citizens.


GRANDMA TRIED REALLY HARD TO COOK BOTH AMERICAN AND RUSSIAN FOOD. SOMETIMES SHE COMBINED THE TWO, BUT NOT REALLY SUCCESSFULLY…

LIKE THE TIME SHE MADE ALPHABET BORSCHT,

THAT WASN’T AS BAD AS WHEN SHE MADE HERRING CASSEROLE.
elinka: (fish net)
The latest telephone poll taken by the California Governor’s office asked whether people who live in California think illegal immigration is a serious problem:

29% responded, "Yes, it is a serious problem."
71% responded, "No es una problema seriosa."



В последнем телефонном опросе, проведенном работниками офиса губернатора Калифорнии, жителям штата был задан вопрос считают ли они нелегальную иммиграфцию серьезной проблемой.

29% ответили "Да, это серьезная проблема".
71% ответили "No es una problema seriosa."
elinka: (rep)

Хилари, Байден и Обама верхом на осле приблизились к краю скалы. Осел испугался и прыгнул вниз. Кто спасся?


ответ )
elinka: (fincri)
2025 г.
Нефть на Земле закончилась, а газа хватит еще лет на 10. Газпром. Мечты сбываются.


В связи с глобальным финансовым кризисом, бесплатного сыра теперь не будет и в мышеловке.


Светлое будущее не за горами. Оно вообще непонятно где.

funny

Jun. 7th, 2009 04:19 am
elinka: (web)
President Obama played up his Muslim roots during his visit to the Middle East Thursday. It was over the top. Last night he went on television and promised that anyone who buys a General Motors car will be greeted by seventy-two virgins in heaven.
elinka: (fish net)
Dan Rather, Katie Couric, and an Israeli commando were captured by terrorists in Iraq . The leader of the terrorists told them that he would grant them each one last request before they were beheaded.

Dan Rather said, 'Well, I'm a Texan, so I'd like one last bowlful of hot spicy chili.'

The leader nodded to an underling who left and returned with the chili.

Rather ate it all and said, 'Now I can die content.'

Katie Couric said, 'I'm a reporter to the end. I want to take out my tape recorder and describe the scene here and what's about to happen. Maybe someday someone will hear it and know that I was on the job till the end.'

The terror leader directed an aide to hand over the tape recorder and Couric dictated some comments. She then said, 'Now I can die happy.'

The leader turned and said, 'And now, Mr. Israeli tough guy, what is your final wish?'

'Kick me in the ass,' said the soldier.'

'What?' asked the leader? 'Will you mock us in your last hour?'

'No, I'm not kidding. I want you to kick me in the ass,' insisted the Israeli.

So the leader shoved him into the open and kicked him in the ass.

The soldier went sprawling, but rolled to his knees, pulled a 9 mm pistol from under his flak jacket, and shot the leader dead. In the resulting confusion, he jumped to his knapsack, pulled out his carbine and sprayed the terrorists with gunfire.

In a flash, all terrorists were either dead or fleeing for their lives.

As the soldier was untying Rather and Couric, they asked him, 'Why didn't you just shoot them in the beginning? Why did you ask them to kick you in the ass first?'

'What?' replied the Israeli, 'and have you two assholes report that I was the aggressor?!'

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